Waiting

Stiiiiil waiting. 4 months and change left now until the wedding, and as expected, it's tough going. The thing that makes it difficult is that our relationship is so close to marriage as it is. We do everything together as if we were already married (barring sex, living together, and sharing a bank account... and anything else inappropriate that i'm missing here or whatever) I come home at night to her, we spend our evenings together, we cook together, we eat together, we do laundry together, we (sometimes) brush our teeth together, we read together, we watch tv together, then she gets ready for bed and we pray together and i go home and sleep in my bed. we do this every night.

First of all, don't think I'm complaining, because I'm not. I love where we are and everything is great right now. The part that is difficult is the following.

There's a big difference between not having something "yet" and not having something "ever." If you can't have something yet, you know that eventually you will, and that's exciting and easier to deal with in some ways than not having something ever. On the other hand knowing you aren't going to have something ever has it's own advantages as you can resign yourself to it and accept things the way they are and move on. Not having something yet means it's always on your mind and you're constantly wondering, "is it time yet? is it time yet? when, when when??" It's easy to try to push it along faster and faster trying to make it get here before it's supposed to. And that's easy enough to do.

The great thing about being engaged though, is you know when. I know that June 24th, I will finally be married. So I know the "when." It's more like Christmas than some kind of surprise that I'm waiting for "any day now". Granted this does make it a LOT easier to wait for. But you easily get into the Count Down mentality and completely miss the great time that you're having right now. I'm trying very hard to avoid that. I was talking to my friend Ryan about it today, he conveniently happens to be a pastor at a local church, but he's also just a great guy in general, here's a short exceprt from our conversation:

Ryan: very true. it's weird though because you wait the whole time up to it, going insane, then it get's there and passes and it almost seems too simple. like "did that really happen?". I mean, you are together, then and everything, but like you said, except for sex and money, you pretty much already are. It's a little bit of an eerie feeling of same yet completely different at the same time...
Kyle: thats kinda what i'm expecting
Kyle: just kind of a sigh of relief... ah finally we can just be US totally and stop stopping short of being what we're supposed to be

Patience, and Contentment. the two things the Enemy wants me to forget. I'm glad I have a good woman beside me who reminds me when I forget, and I remind when she forgets. We're a good team.


technorati tags: sex, engagement, love