Tea and Sympathy

Giving advice is tough because most people either don't want it or aren't planning on implimenting it in the first place. This is hard for me because I think I'm smart and can fix most people's problems.

So today I've decided to try this a different way. Instead of thinking what I would do in their situation, I'm gonna first try to empathize with the person's situation.

So here we go.
The problem is huge to them. Giant. They're trapped in it and can't get out of it. Everyone knows about it and feels sorry for them and everyone is more than happy to offer one more piece of advice about how you can do "this" or have you tried "that?" and the person HAS tried This or knows That would never work for this situation. They want help, they want to hide, they want out... but they can't Get Out. Thoughts of Perserverance and Trying Again and Getting Up and facing Tomorrow only make things more difficult for them. Yesterday was tough, the day before was tough and even though the day before that might have been ok, they don't remember that. They're focused on the now and the hopelessness of tomorrow.

The part that baffles them is that they remember being good at something very similar to this. "I was able to handle X why can't I handle Y?" Thoughts of failure and impotence flood their mind. They can't do it. It doesn't matter what or how they try... They are going to fail tomorrow. Just like today.

They ask for help, people assume they mean advice, but what they really want is a way out. Immediate comfort is nice for the right now, but it won't help them tomorrow when they have to face it again. And they feel like such a burden bringing this up all the time. They're supposed to have their life all figured out by now, and the reality is that under it all they're looking for that child who always hid behind the furnace downstairs to cry... but the child is gone. There's an adult standing there who won't fit in the cubby hole anymore.

I'm a fixer. I want to help, it's my nature as a man. It's hard when I can do nothing, sometimes the person has to and sometimes the person wants to do it on their own.

Maybe I'll just sit still and shut up.

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